16 Weeks OUCH!

I have the worst pain in my groin! I can hardly walk when I stand after sitting. This can not last the next 5 months, no way!

I feel bigger. I hope to start showing soon, otherwise I just look like I'm getting fatter.

I am counting the days until January 12. I can't wait to know what the babies are so we can start picking out names, clothes, etc.

14 Weeks Heartbeats

At our doctors appointment on Tues, Nov 28th, we heard both heartbeats! It was amazing how different they sounded. All is going well, and I'm not feeling as sick anymore. Have some energy back. I'm also finally starting to feel pregnant, although my friends tell me I look like I am losing weight. Maybe they are just being nice!

January 12 is the day we find we the twins are. For now, we call them Buffy and Jody. (Chandler is Mr. French.) I'm excited to know and nervous at the same time. I hope and pray they both have all the parts they need and are growing at the same pace.

Hearing the heartbeats was amazing. I was so nervous once one was found that maybe we wouldn't find the other, but it only took a minute. I wish I could have enjoyed it more and not been so worried about whether we'd find them or not.

11 Weeks and TWINS

I hadn't realized that I have not written in 6 weeks. I've been really sick. Whomever named it "Morning Sickness" has never experienced this before. It's not just for mornings anymore!!!

The first ultrasound week 5, showed twins! We got to see them again on week 6, and last week at the regular OB (we were released from Dr. Loret De Mola on Oct 13). They are measuring the same size, have their own sacs, and look good.

C-section date is scheduled for May 17, but Dr. Zart will be happy if they make it to April 26. Their lungs will good to go at that point. Twins want to come early so I am preparing my mind for that. Nothing about this road has been easy, so we'll just take this twist and turn as it comes.

I've been emotional at times. Scared. Not sure if I'll be a good parent. Not sure this is the right thing for us. And then others times wanting to meet them so badly already. It is such a rollercoaster. I never thought I'd have two at the same time, so it is a huge adjustment. My body can't go the way it used to, and that is a big change for me.

Bill has been good about getting dinner and doing some stuff around the house. I have zero energy. Hopefully that will subside by week 13/14.

We've got to start thinking about where the babies will live, if we are going to remodel the upstairs or look for a new house. So many tough decisions.

We''ve told some people already, the ones that knew something was up medically, but the others we will wait until after Thanksgiving to tell. I figure a quick note in a Christmas card will be good.

it's been almost 2 months since we found out, time is flying. they will be here before we know it!

5 Weeks

I think it is finally setting in. I am exhausted. I know this side effect will go away, but wow, it hits you like a ton of bricks.

I think we are holding our breath until Thursdays ultrasound to see just how many are in there. Whatever it is, we will be happy.

The baby is the size of a sesame seed. When you stop and think about it, that is so hard to believe that we are all once at that stage. It is amazing and mind blowing.

Attack

Attack of the blue veins!!!! I have them all over my (.)(.) and upper chest area!
My back also has some pimples. Guess these are the first "signs." Let's hope there are many more to come!

So far, we have told:

My Mom (who told her friend Mary)- We told my mom by putting a Grandma t-shirt in a bag of clothes that I was giving her. I told her she needed to look through the top 3 things in the bag because if she didn't want them, I was going to give them to someone else. When she unfolded the shirt, she asked who does this belong to!?!??!?! She was so excited, and of course, she cried.

Kathy- I called her at work and asked for Aunty Kathy. She cried.

Sam- Bill told Sam to get out his beard and top hat because he would be Uncle Sam soon!

Mary- Mary was in a rest stop bathroom in Toledo. She was so happy and she cried with me, well we sobbed. She said here mom had been praying so hard for us.

John- Was very happy.

Ed- In typical Ed fashion, he asked when we'd find out who the father was.

Linda--She was very happy, said she had chills

Andy Hammer- We haven't seen Andy in years, but bumped into him at Olivor Twist as we were eating dinner Friday night. He kept asking me to try his drink, etc. He also asked if we had kids and we looked at each other and smiled and said "not yet." He said to keep trying. I said well, there is only one wine glass on the table. He still didn't get it. He joined us for dinner, and again tried to get me to drink. We finally told him. He was so happy for us that he bought us dinner.

Lori - She emailed me a nice thinking of you card and I emailed her the results back. She cried!

Our friends have been with us for lots of ups and downs. Our baby (ies) will be very lucky to have so many Aunt's & Uncle's.

It is all still overwhelming and still holding my breath until we hear a heartbeat.

I think the cats something. They have been especially needy with me..... wanting to kneed my stomach and sit there.

8/22/06 Finally!

The news we've waited 2.5 years for, finally came at 12:16pm. Dr. Loret De Mola called with our blood test results. He asked me how I was feeling, and he said "well you did it. You are definately pregnant."

In order to be considered pregnant, the HCG level has to be 25 or higher. Mine was 439! I asked him if the was indicative of multiples and he said possibly. He said "one for sure, maybe two, but not three."

We go back on Monday for another blood test and the numbers should double.

I was shocked. I've waited to hear those words for so long that I didn't know what to say. Bill was home and we cried and hugged. All the things I hadn't allowed myself to think about ran through my mind. It is overwhelming, but I just have to take it one step at a time.

We went to dinner to celebrate and we bumped into a friend we had not seen in several years. He asked the usual questions, he thought he had heard we had a kid. He kept trying to buy us drinks. We hinted, but he wasn't getting it. He joined us for dinner and we told him. He was so happy for us that he picked up our dinner tab.

Bill is already thinking about how to remodel upstairs....... so much to think about, but still being tentative until we get past the critical stages.

Week 1 of the 2WW

The week started off with bedrest for a couple of days. That is not so fun. Back really hurts. I was able to go back to work on Tuesday and sitting and walking really help my back.
I'm not sleeping very well, so I'm always tired.
The HCG shots give me a rash on my stomach. Only 1 more of those though.

Wednesday, it was raining and the sun was out. I knew there had to be a rainbow out there, so I went to check it out. I opened the garage door and gasped. It was right there. A full rainbow in all its glory. Then another. I think it was a reflection of the 1st, because the colors were reversed. It was stunning. I stood in the rain for a while and took pictures and just admired it. Maybe someone from heaven sent that as a sign to me, I hope so.

Other coincidences have been that one of the lab workers that worked with our embryo's was named Vicky. My mom's mom was Vicky.

Thursday in my email there was a spam note with the name Bryn. That is on my short list of girls names.

Maybe I'm just grasping at straws, but I'd like to think these will add up!

Home From Transfer

The transfer went well. We did 3. One nurse was doing an external ultrasound to help guide the doctor so he would get the catheter in the right place and so we could see the procedure. On another screen on the wall they showed us the three "babies", as the doc called them. That was kind of scary. Bill held my hand the whole time, it was a very moving experience. We got pictures of the three embryo's to bring home.

After the procedure I knew I had to stay at the hospital for 3 hours, but I wasn't expecting to have to lie with my head tilted toward the floor for those 3 hours after the transfer on a hard gurney, but hey, whatever it takes! My back hurt so I came home and got right in my comfy bed. Bill made me dinner and I finally felt up to typing.

I'll stay on bed rest tomorrow and then back to light activity on Monday.

The long 2ww has begun........

Transfer Day

Six were going strong as of yesterday morning. We will put 2 or 3 back this morning! I am very excited, not so nervous.
Last night I dreamt that they mistakenly put all 6 back in, and they all took. Luckily I woke up before they were all delivered!!!

Lab Report

Of the 10 (we only ever saw 9 on the ultrasounds, so the last one was a surprise) eggs they retrieved Wednesday, all were mature enough to fertilize.
6 did so normally, there is a 7th in question (maybe this one has ADD like it's Daddy) that could possibly catch up today.
The normal rate for "abnormal" response is 30%, so we are right there.

They'll call tomorrow with another update, but she said at the rate the 6 are going, they (how ever many we decide) will be put back Saturday between 10am-noon.

Phew, my biggest fear was that they would call and say none of them fertilized and this would be over. Hopefully the 6-7 will continue to do well.

A weird coincidence, the girl from the lab is named Vicky. That was my grandmother's name. Just of all the names in the world.......

10 Little Indians

Everyone thought there were only 9, but there turned out to be 10 follicles! Phew.
The retrieval process was very interesting. We had to be at the hospital by 6:30am. They got my IV going right away and that was about it, until 8:25am. Then everyone showed up and we were off to the IVF OR.

The room was stark white, kind of like the scene in Willy Wonka where Mike TV gets zapped into the TV set. They got me settled and started the drugs. I wasn't completly asleep and they told me I talked the whole time. I did feel some pain, but they would just give me more medication when I asked for it.

We had to wait for 3 hours after the procedure and then we were able to come home. The girl from the lab came in and described what will be happening with the embryos over the next 2 days. She said she was only expecting 8, so she was surprised to get 10.

Tylenol 3 is my friend for the moment. I'm sure and my stomach is very tender, but I guess that is to be expected when your organs get poked at with a needle!

Tonight is a sub-cu injection of HCG, nothing like the intramuscular shots I had to have 2 days in a row. The first one was not bad, but the emergency one we had to do yesterday afternoon was not pleasant. Even Bill was grossed out by it.

He has done such a good job with the injections. Let's hope this is the one and only time we have to do this.

The waiting over the next 2 days will be tough. Waiting to see if the eggs divide and do what they need to do. Hopefully Saturday we will be ready to put 2 or 3 back.

I feel calm about this, I'm not sure why. It is out of my hands. I am surrounded by love and no matter what, Bill and I love each other so much.

13 hours and counting

In 13 hours I will be in the hospital for the egg retrieval. Nervous, excited.... yep. I'm more nervous to hear how the embryo's will do in the lab in the next couple of days and if we will have to make a decision on how many to put back in. Maybe there will only be one.

The intramuscular shot last night was no problem. Well, none for me. Bill had some issues and had to call the doc at 9:30pm last night, but it was all settled in a few minutes. The surprise came today when we had to do another IM injection because some bloodwork numbers came back too low.

It looks like I will have 5 more shots to do at home after the transfer. One tomorrow night and then 1 every 3 days. Fingers crossed that I will not need the PIO intramuscular injections every night..... for 2 months. YIKES. What's white and black and blue all over? Shelley!

The shot last night made me very bloated and made my boobs achy. They hurt like hell in the shower. I guess this medication mimics pregnancy so your body starts producing something to sustain a pregnancy.

I know alot of people are praying for us.... family, friends, strangers, on-line friends. I hope someone is listening. It is our about time that it is our turn.

I've lost track of my treats... People magazines, cookies, dark chocolate, candles. They have all been very nice, but there is really only one treat I want in the end.

Some Weekend

It has not been a great couple of days.

The follicles are developing slowly. I just want them out. I am miserable. We go back to the doctor on Monday. Hopefully then a retrieval date of Wednesday will be scheduled. I just want this over. No one understand that it may only seem like a couple of extra days, but that means 2 more injections every night, at least 2 more blood draws and ulstrasound, none of which is pleasant.

I just want my life to be off hold.

Thursday

Shots OK. Dark chocolate treat.

Wednesday

Appointment for blood work and US this morning. The bloodwork took forever. she couldn't find a vein in either arm. I had to run my hand under warm water and finally she was able to get it out of a spot on the top of my hand, but not after sticking me in the same spot in the elbow she did on Friday. Nice bruise there.

Looks like there are 9 follicles. One lead one at 10. They like to trigger when they are at 18. We go back on Saturday for another US & BW. Hopefully then we'll have a schedule for retrieval.

Last nights treat was blackberry tea. Tonight's was honey for my tea.

Not Well

It's been a bad couple of days. I think I'm coming down with a cold. My ear is plugged and I'm stuffy.

Monday was a bad day all around. I'd rather forget it.

My treat for the painful shots was cashews.

The injections are getting more painful every night. I can't wait for this to be over.

Black Cherry Sunday

The shots of follistim hurt. My stomach stings for a while after. I thought it was because yesterdays shot was not warmed up, but that is not the case. I have a burning belly right now.

Treat for the day: black cherry candle

Trips

So, we went to Martina and Rich's wedding reception and there was a couple there with triplets. I just kept thinking, "I bet they did invitro." It scared the crap out of me. What would I do with three babies. Yes, I would love them, but that would be so hard. Would they all be healthy? Would I have to do selective reduction? I don't think I could. So we left the party to come home and do the shots. I thought about that huge 3 seat stroller the whole time.

Tonights shots really hurt. Maybe over another week of this left. I can do it. There is no turning back now.

Treat for the night was an extra dark chocolate bar with mac. nuts and cranberries. If I wasn't so full from the all the good food at the party, I'd be eating it to help take the sting in my belly away right now!

Nervous Day

Today was the doctors appointment for baseline bloodwork and ultrasound. All looks good and I can begin the follistim tonight. This is very scary. In 2 weeks or less I could be having eggs harvested and our babies could be growing in a petrie dish in a lab! What a hard concept to grasp. I could potentially carry babies that weren't created inside me. wow.

Wonder if two shots means two treats ;-)

ETA: Nope, two shots....one treat. That's OK. Bill's support is the other treat. He has been pretty good through this whole ordeal.

Fat Thursday

I feel fat. I feel like I've gained back every ounce I lost in the last 1.5 years. Not happy.

If all goes according to plan at the doctor tomorrow, I will begin the stims Friday night. Tonight will be the last night of 1-a-day shots. We also have to fork over thousands of dollars to the doctor tomorrow. whatever. i'm so over this.

tonights treat was a people magazine :-)

Wednesday

Shot fine. Treat: Dove Chocolate Bar.
Worried about starting stims on Friday. Really worried.

Tuesday

Had to run out to pick up my truck from the dealer and noticed more things wrong with it on the way home, so it will need to go back tomorrow. I don't need to deal with this crap right now. We stopped for dinner and Bill had 3 beers and he seemed a little loopy, he fell asleep when we got home and I had to wake him at 8pm to give me the shot. I wasn't happy that he was loopy and told him so. He pinched the skin and waited and waited to give the shot. Just get the damn thing over with. It is no fun having a flap of skin pinched and waiting for an injection. I told him no more drinking before shot time. I cried after the shot tonight and Bill just rubbed my arm and didn't say anything. I don't think he knows what to say or do and there is nothing he can do to make it better.

My treat for the day was hibicus tea. A very nice treat.

Make It Quick

We had to do the shot a few minutes before 8pm because I didn't want to miss a minute of Prison Break. Not sure why, but today's shot hurt the most of all the shots so far. I shouldn't complain too much as the side effects of the Lupron have not been as much as I expected. I'm really worried about the stims. I did not do well with Clomid and this is just mega doses of the same stuff. I have experienced mood swings, but what else is new (as Bill would say!)

Dropped my car off at Land Rover Westside so we stopped for dinner on the way home at Prosperity Social Club in Tremont. It was very good creative bar food.

Weekend Shots

Even though I thought I had kept our calendar kind of clear during the IVF process, this weekend was packed. Friday wasn't so bad because we just moved injection time up 30 minutes and we were on our way to see a lounge act, Miss Kitty, at the Velvet Tango Room. In our haste to get out of the house and get some food before the show, we both forgot about my daily treat. That's OK, Bill has been so good with this whole thing that his love is treat enough for me.

Saturday's shot was a bit trickier. Bill has know Tommy since he started DJ'ing at the Brick House 10 years ago. Those were fun times for all of us. It is where Bill and I met 10 years ago, both of us attached to other people at the time. Who knew where it would lead! Tommy hired Bill to do his wedding last night so we were going to have to do the injection on-site. Bill was set up on the stage so at 8pm (perfect timing, speeches were over, the blessing was said, and the dinner music was on auto pilot) we snuck behind the curtains and did the shot via flashlight. I'm sure people have had to do their shots in some creative places, but I hope this is as creative as we are going to have to get. Next Friday starts the 2 injections per day. I want to be home to do those, as I hear the side effects of the one shot are pretty nasty. We'll have to be non-social for a week or more until it is time to harvest all the eggies (hopefully!)

I also got some lemon cookies as my treat for Saturday shot.

Sunday's shot was uneventful, didn't even feel it until after it was done and then there was a slight burn. Treat was cereal bars. (I won't have to grocery shop for a while, if I keep getting food treats!)

Wine Makes It Easier.....

We ate dinner out tonight and I had a glass of wine. I guess it relaxed me because the shot was not as painful as nights past.

My treat for the day was the DVD of Midnight In The Garden of Good and Evil.

Day 4

Not in a creative mood to come up with a quirky title tonight.

It's been an OK day. I didn't have to work today so I did the grocery shopping and hung at home watching movies.

We are selling one of our cars and a guy called about it today. When we hung up, I cried. Damn hormones making so irrationally emotional.

The shot kind of hurt tonight, don't know why. So far Monday's was the best, no pain at all.

My treat for tonight was a rubber dolphin (still on treats from the Florida trip.)

For No (Good) Reason

4pm--Oh boy. The emotional side effects are starting. I'm crying for no real reason. I HATE THIS. I will not go through this ever again.

6pm---still crying.

8pm--not crying, shot is over. Treat for the day was Key Lime Juice from Bill's Florida jaunt. I'll make a key lime pie for us this weekend.

maybe 3 weeks more of this, hope I/we can make it!

T -2 Minutes

2 minutes til injection time...... I took a bath to relax this evening. I'm feeling bloated and I didn't sleep well. Working 3 days a week is a blessing right now. I don't think I could handle a full-time schedule for the next couple of weeks.

shot is over....tonight did not sting like last nights. It was pretty easy. Let's hope the rest are like this one. I didn't cry until Bill gave me my treat.....a postcard of New Smyra Beach (I used to stay there with my parents when I was a kid) and a sand dollar. It's something so small and stupid to some, but to me it is a reminder of the wonderful man I am married to.

One Shot Down.......

Well, we began the journey to invetro (ivf) a couple of weeks ago by me starting BCP's (birth control pills.) It is sure funny to be on the pill when you are desperately trying to conceive, but it is what we need to do for the doctor to take control on the cycle.

Tonight was the first of the injectable drugs. A shot of 10 whatevers of Lupron. I don't want to see the drugs or any of the paraphernalia that goes with it. Bill is in charge of doling out the meds. If I'm a good girl and don't cry I also get a treat after my injection. We decided 8pm will be "go time"since we are usually at home together at that time.

So, as of 8pm tonight, the game began. Shot after shot of Lupron for the next 14 days, tests in 12 days to determine if we can start the next round of shots; the stims..... the ones that make the ovaries bulge with follicles. Doesn't sound so pleasant to me. I'm trying to take it one shot at a time, but I've never claimed to be the most patient of patients.

It is all very scary and exciting at the same time..... in 4 weeks or so we could have little embryo's implanted.... trying to begin their journey to life. After all this poking and prodding, it better work. I'm not going through this stess again!

By the way, my treat for today was pecan logs from Stuckey's. We don't live in the South, but Bill was traveling the last couple of days and he must have picked some up for me. Guess the kid in me is going to look forward to the nightly treat..... probably just as much as I am dreading the nightly shots.

Conversation With A Cat

coversation from the breakfast table this morning at the pchak residence:

Chandler: Mama, I know how to make your coffee taste better.

ME: You do big buddy, how is that?

C: Put some Kaluha in it.

M: (runs down the basement stairs to the bar.)

C: See, I told ya!

He made me do it, I swear.

The keyword for today. Pace.

The Oath

I have finally met a doctor who upholds the Hypocratic Oath in every way. He is a man of knowledge, compassion, care and concern. Infertility is not a fun ride to be on, but our lives are richer for having Dr. J. Ricardo Loret De Mola in it. At first I was afraid to go see him. I have always been a girl that liked female docs, going to a man was intimidating enough. To spill our guts about our bedroom habits was almost too much to bear. I'd heard he was the best, so all that fear had to get put aside. A child is the one thing I want more than anything in life and if he was going to help me get it, then I didn't care. We've been going to Ricardo for almost 9 months....kind of ironic, with no success and only onr stumbling block after another. He has been supportive at every turn. I've never before been hugged and kissed on the top of my head by a doctor, but last week, after an especially painful meeting he did just that. A simple gesture, but one from the heart. Who knows how many countless other women he has done that too. He can't imagine what it means. He has seen us through 4 inseminations, 1 surgery, and now secondary (male) infertility. He wants us to be pregnant.......sometimes more than I think I do because this has all been so painful for me. He remains optimistic when I can no longer be. He wants to pursue when sometimes I just want to stop all the medical insanity. He is honest and genuine. He is everything a doctor should be and more. He is how I'd want my son --if there ever is one of those---to turn out. Somewhere his family should be proud of him, not just because he is the top doc in his field, but for the man he is.

Almost a Year Later

I haven't blogged in 11 months. What is different from 334 days ago? Well, I am down over 50lbs total, but have stalled. I need to get remotivated and get moving.
We are still labeled as "infertile". 4 inseminations, 1 surgery, numerous tests, blood work, and now a new issue has cropped up. We just can't seem to win. Maybe someone or something is throwing these roadblocks up for a reason. Maybe we'd be really bad parents and this is God's way of keeping us from messing a child up. Who knows. I do know that we are at the end of our rope, barely hanging on on a daily basis. I just want our normal life back. We had a glimpse of it when I was recovering from surgery. Funny, I don't know what normal is anymore? How do I adjust to the realization that I may never be a parent....that no one will ever call me mom..... that bill won't have the chance to have a Daddy's girl or be a Scout Leader. We are at a very bad place in life right now, lets hope we can find some semblance of normal and come out of this on the other side together.