Reflections

Well, the 1st Christmas has come and gone. The kids are enjoying all their new toys, although they didn't get the unwrapping part yet. They just wanted to eat the paper. They got lots of nice stuff.

Today they were baptized. They were very well behaved and enjoyed getting sprinkled. We just had the godparents- Sam, Deb, UB, and Mary- as well as my Aunt Eleanor & Uncle Tom and my mom back to the house for lunch. It was a very nice day.

Tomorrow is New Years Eve. I don't care for this holiday at all.....another year behind us, time is just going too fast. It is a time to be reflective and this year was very eventful for us. In May the best thing that could ever happen to me, did. Reagan and Nolan arrived and I love them a little more everyday. I don't know how that is possible, but I do. They make me smile, they make me feel like I am accomplishing something and they make me feel needed, especially now that they reach for you when they want to be picked up or grab your face and give a big kiss.
In Sept, we moved into our new home. It has been a blessing and a curse at the same time. I love our new neighborhood and the house, but the amount of work that consumed all of the fall and now into the winter has taken a toll on us. I hope in 2008 we can get back on track and back to life as we knew it.
In November, due to my persistence, Nolan saw a cranial facial plastic surgeon and was diagnosed with metopic craniosynostosis. His surgery is in 3.5 days and I don't think I could be more nervous. I just want it to be a week from now and have him on the road to healing. I am not looking forward to our life and the kids routine being turned upside down. I have no doubt my little man will bounce back from this quickly. This has taken a huge toll on all of us. I just pray that 2008 starts off good to us and we see Nolan home and recovering quickly. That is all I ask for. Just to have my boy and girl sleeping contently in their cribs.

Why

I pursued a referral from our ped regarding Nolans ridge on his forehead and his indented temples. I've noticed it more since he has lost of his first baby hair. Something was just telling me to pursue it, even though xrays at 2 months of age showed the sutures were not fused.

On Monday we went the Cleveland Clinic to meet a plastic surgeon. I expected he might tell us a helmet would help. I never expected to hear what he said. Nolan has cranial stenosis and would need surgery to correct it or he would face learning disabilities and an array of other issues.

Tuesday he was sedated for a CT scan to confirm the diagnosis. It did. Leaving him in that CT room alone were the hardest steps I've ever had to take. I kissed his little check and told my prince that I loved him and I'd be right outside waiting for him.

I looked up this surgery and I don't know how I will handle seeing my baby after surgery. It is going to be awful.

Why is this happening to us? Why can't I just enjoy the children I waited so long for? Why does he have to go thru this? He is such a sweet boy.

I just wanted their first christmas to be special and who knows where we will be. Nolan and I could be in the hospital and my Reagan will be wondering where her Mama and brother are.

Yes, I'm having a pity for me, for all four of us. It is not fair. I worked hard to get these kids here and I want to give them every opportunity to have a wonderful life, but why is it so painful?

I just want this over. If we could do surgery tomorrow, I would. I just can't handle looking at them and crying all day.

Thanksgiving

I can't believe Thanksgiving is upon us. Sept and Oct went exceptionally fast with all the house stuff going on. We are nearing the end of the major work thank goodness.

Reagan and Nolan are so much fun and getting so big. They both weigh 17 lbs 3ozs and Reagan is a full inch longer than Nolan (27"). I'm sure he will hit a spurt at some point, but for now I love his little short legs.

Nolan is just the sweetest boy. He loves his mama and is full of fun. He giggles and smiles all day. He brings so much joy to our life. Reagan is a bit more serious, but in the mornings she grabs my face and gives me a Reagan kiss (a suck on the cheek). My heart melts every morning, it is just too cute. She talks a lot in a deep throaty voice that is so adorable. Her two little teeth are getting big and she actually left marks on my finger the other day when she was playing with my hand.

We made another trip to Ikea and they were both so good in the store and for the ride.

Reagan is going to have a help me grow evaluation. They will probably suggest some OT to give her some upper body strength. She is doing OK, just a bit weak and could use a hand. Anything to give them every opportunity to have a happy, healthy life.

Nolan is having his cyst checked this week and if all is well he will have it removed when he is 1. He is also going to see a cranial doc to be sure the forehead sutures are ok and no further assistance is needed.

Nicknames: Reagan...chicky chicky boom boom, chick chick, sweet pea, swiss miss, reagan cakes, honey bear

Nolan... Nolinski, little man, buddy, bubby, bobaloo

No idea how most of those have come about!

Being a stay at home mom is tough, but I love being with my kids and knowing I am there for them whenever they need me. It is stressful and I need more time off than I get. I was sick a couple of weeks ago and I asked Bill who I called in sick to. I got no response. Oh well, just one of the many things a mommy does that is just part of the job. I pushed through for them. So we didn't get out of our PJ's that day.... oh well.

I'm sure it will be a super fun Chirstmas and maybe Nolan will be crawling around. YIKES!

Teeth

Well, Halloween has come and gone and Reagan and Nolan seemed to enjoy the day. They went to visit Daddy's work, Grandma P, Aunt Eleanor's & Grammy's all in costume. Reagan was a bear since she growls at us when she is mad (not so much anymore....now it is just a shriek.) Nolan was a fire chief since he seemed to like the fire engines as they went by our old house.

On Sunday, Reagan, Bill and I were hanging out in our bed. (Nolan was, amazingly, napping!) Reagan was studying Daddy's hand and she went in for the kill. She bite him! That is how we found her tooth. Today I stuck my finger in Nolans mouth and I feel it beneath the skin. Poor babies....cold, teething, all at once.

Reagan and Nolan are both rolling, although Nolan uses his strengh to motor around a bit. Reagan is getting stronger and holds her head up for longer periods.

Tomorrow is the end of this session of story time. They seemed to really enjoy it.

I can't believe Christmas is just around the corner. Maybe they will be crawling by then. YIKES!

Nolan is rollin'! He loves to go from back to tummy. We've even found him asleep on his belly a moning or two. Reagan almost did it tonight, but just couldn't get her arm out from under her. They are both so funny and happy. I LOVE that they are happy, smiley babies. It makes me feel like I'm doing something right.

Reagan & Nolan enjoy storytime. It is nice that my mom comes with us and helps. I am so glad they like her so much. Reagan gets so excited when she sees her.

We have met more of the neighbors and everyone is very nice. I think we will really enjoy living here.

Nicknames: Nolan-ski, Chickie (chickie boom boom).

RIght Where You Belong

I finally feel like I am where I belong. Sitting here in the living room of our new house, my kids playing after their breakfast of cereal and a bottle. Reagan is squealing at the top of her lungs and Nolan is rolling all over his jungle..... almost went from back to tummy today, but just not enough. He did go from tummy to back last week. My babies are getting so big, so fast.

THe view from our front yard is amazing. Look to the left and the lake is there, sunsets are amazing. The kids and I walk down and sit on the bench and look for boats. To the right I see the library I grew up at; worked at for 10 years. We are finally home.

The house is no where near done, won't be for a while, but we are together and happy.

Stressed

Things are so stressful for Bill and I right now. The work at the new house is taking its toll on Bill, there is so much to do and we are running out of time.
Reagan and Nolan went to the doctor on Monday. They are both 24.5", Reagan weighs 14.5 and Nolan is 15.7 . They are doing well and Nolan is a little ahead of the curve as far as his speech. He is babbling away, it is SO cute. I just love his voice. Reagan makes a few sounds now and then, but since her brother can do the work and get our attention, she doesn't have to try as hard. She will start soon and then I bet there will be no stopping her.

I'm debating puttting them in their own cribs in the new house. They seem comforted by each other and I don't want to break that. We'll have to give it a try.

Chaos

We have to be out of our house by Sept 29. We got the keys to the new house Sept 2 and began the work. The kitchen is currently empty..... I mean echo empty. zip, zilch nada, just a room. The bathroom will be that way after tomorrow.
Uncle Bob and Aunt Chris worked at the house for two days and got the ceilings painted and the rooms taped so our friends who are kind enough to help at our house can paint on Saturday. Then the carpet needs ripped out...... OY!
I can't help since I need to be with the kids, but I did manage to paint a closet and get a coat on one of the walls in the kids room.
I have no idea how this will all get done in time....and oh yeah, we have to pack our current house.

The kids are awesome. Nolan is laughing out loud, big, long laughs. He just started that. Reagan gives chuckles, but no laughs yet. She is trying to talk more and more and Nolan, well Nolan is a ham. He will talk, giggle, laugh all day. They are not the best nappers, but we are trying. It is hard with them being pulled between two houses and Grammy's, but they are doing the best they can.

We spent 7 hours INSIDE ikea last weekend and, for the most part, they were angels. Mommy and Daddy got more cranky than the kids, but it was a long day for all of us. We have to stop and remember that we are each stressed for different reasons. I feel like a single parent these days and Bill has the weight of the world on his shoulders worrying that his family will have a place to live!

Changes

I am amazed how much Reagan and Nolan have changed in 14.5 weeks.

Reagan doesn't bang on her drum and scowl anymore, her fists are open more now and she has found her fingers. She sucks the index and middle at the same time. She can hold her head up very well, much more in the last week.

Nolan is laughing and coo'ing all the time. He is also starting to push himself around with his legs. He loves to play with his hands and is starting to notice his toes.

Nicknames we have for the kids.....
Reagan: Sweetpea, Babycake(s), Peanut, Little Bear (she growls sometimes)
Nolan: Little Man, Buddy, Monkey, Monk

Movin' On Up!

I was already emotional because I was reading this blog from when I was 7 months pregnant when the phone rang. It was Bill and he said "You ready to move!"
My kids will go to the same school I went to, we will live 1/2 mile from my mom, I'll be across the street from the library I spent most of my youth at! Why am I crying?!?!?!!? Our current house has so many memories that it will be so hard to leave that all behind. I know we need the space and the kids need a better neighborhood, but I can look at the exact spot on the living room floor where Bill and I shared our first kiss, the spot in the living room that he put my engagement ring around Chandlers neck and they asked me to marry them, the spot between the hallway and the living room where I answered the phone to the news that I was pregnant and my numbers were so high it was probably more than 1 baby, the spot in the bedroom where my babies slept for the first time. All these will have to live in my heart when we leave. We've had a lot of great times in this house. Some sad times too that I'll be happy to leave behind like my mom calling to tell me my Dad passed away.

It is on to bigger and better things for the Polewchak family.

1st time in 12 weeks

On Friday Reagan and Nolan didn't sleep in our room. We brought down one of their cribs and set it up in the office since the AC doesn't work too well in their room. They LOVE their crib! Lasgt night they slept almost 7 hours.

I had a very hard time walking them out of our room after their night bottle and putting them down in their own "room." It was the first of many seperations I'm sure, but it was tough. My babies are growing so fast and they looked so big in that crib.

They really are excelelnt babies. There have been a few fits now and then, but for the most part they are a dream. We take them everywhere and they do so well. I can't say it enough, but I am so lucky.

Nolan had his doctor appt today for his cyst. He has to have an ultrasound and then a recheck at 6 months. He will have surgery when he is about a year to remove it. He was such a good boy, no tears at the appointment (Nolan or Mommy.)

For Sale

Today we put our house on the market. The sign really makes me sad. I think it is really bothering Bill too. We've had almost 9 years worth of memories here..... our first kiss, getting engaged, finding out we were expecting, bringing Reagan and Nolan home..... all life changing things that happened in these walls. I know you take the memories in your heart, but it is going to be very difficult leaving here.

Reagan and Nolan will be 12 wks tomorrow. Time is just flying. Nolan laughs out loud and smiles all the time. Reagan makes you work for it, but it is so worth it. She has dimples on both cheeks and she just lights up when she smiles. They are such good kids and we can take them most anyplace and they do really well.

2 Month Check-Up

My time flies..... Reagan and Nolan had their two month check up on Friday. They are doing so well and the doctor praised us for doing such a good job with them.

Reagan weighs 9lbs 15oz and Nolan is 11lbs 4 ozs. They are growing like weeds!

They got a clean bill of health and then the shots came. They cried. Mommy cried.

The Plane

Every year there is an airshow of old WW II era planes at our local airport. Every year the Flying Fortress does a fly-by of our house on the way to the show. Every year, Bill runs outside, door slamming behind him to see it since it flies so low. Every year I laugh at what a little boy he is inside. This year I cried because in Bill's arms was Nolan. I've been waiting a long time for Bill to be able to have a buddy to share his love of planes with and now he has two. Sunday we will go to the airshow and I'm sure I won't be able to hold back all the tears as my three kids see new things for the first time together.

First Date

on saturday grammy and connie watched the kids so bill and i could go out. we went to dinner at the baricelli inn and to a friends party. it was so nice to be out as shelley and not as mommy. for 6+ weeks i really haven't left the kids for longer than an hour. i feel like i'm losing sight of me at times. i love being a mom and am so lucky to have a daughter & son in one shot, but it is hard to go from bing so socially active to being home 24-7.

we had a nice time, relieved some stress and tension, talked about something other than poop! although every so often we'd reference something cute the babies do; reagans angry drumming arms or nolans la's. guess we can't turn off being mommy & daddy completely!

Father's Day

I don't think Father's Day went as Bill envisioned. Both Reagan and Nolan were fussy and we didn't leave the house. We think the fussiness was due to giving them Target's version of Enfamil. It gummed them up and made them cranky.
We were able to get to Momocho on Tuesday to celebrate and all was well.
The kids got daddy a brick at Jacobs Field to commerate his 1st Fathers Day. There were tears all around when he read the inscription. Next year we will take the kids and find the brick.

Reagan's Waking Up

Last night was the first time that Reagan made eye contact for a really long period of time and she reached for my face and hair. Even though it was 4:30am and she didn't want to go back to sleep after her bottle, I didn't mind. She was just staring into my eyes so intently. She is such a beautiful baby. She has always been kind of detached, but today is a different story. I think she has finally "woken up" from being born. If these guys would have gone to 40 weeks, they would only be 2 weeks old so they needed the extra time to get going.

Nolan went to the doctor on Tuesday and he weighs 8lbs 3oz. They are both growing like weeds. He is getting so long. Reagan still feels like a peanut to me though, so light.

A Moment With My Son

During one of Nolan's nighttime feedings last night he reached up and grabbed my nose and played with my hair. That is the first time he has physically reached out and acknowledged me. That little touch made all the tiredness disappear for a moment. He is becoming so interactive, making new sounds every day.
Those tiny fingers playing in my hair were so sweet, the sweetest touch I've ever felt. He and Reagan just melt my heart.

Bill and I are running on E right now. The lack of a solid several hours of sleep is taking its toll. Hopefully the kids will start to sleep for larger chunks soon.

They are playing on their playmats now too. I know they don't know they are hitting the toys, but it so cute when they surprise themselves when they do it!

I'm feeling better physcially, mentally the lack of sleep is getting to me. I still just can't believe they are mine. We are so lucky.

First Photos, Family Nap, Dear Friends

Well, today we took the babies to Target for their first photographs. It went just OK. The room was very cold and the babies did not like that. They cried alot, but we were still able to get a few good shots here and there.

When we got home we all decided to go to bed. Reagan had a bad night, so we were all sleepy. Nolan, Chandler, and Daddy curled up together and Reagan, Jeepy, & Mommy got comfy. The babies were in between Bill and I and Bill was holding my hand. I just laid there and thought about how empty our bed was before and how long I waited to stare down into eyes that we created. I know Bill and I were always a family before, but at that moment it was just so overwhelming to me that my hands were touching three of the most important people in my life and 3 weeks ago, two of them weren't even breathing the same air we were.


On Good Company this morning they were talking about infertility and Fred mentioned 2 very dear people that tried for a long time andnow have 2 beautiful babies. He was, of course, talking about Reagan and Nolan. Granpda Fred loves these two and they are lucky to have people like him in their lives. They might not have their "real" Grandpa's with them, but they sure have some wonderful people that are willing to step up and fill the job!

Through His Eyes

Last night while doing a late-night diaper change on Nolan, I stopped to talk to him because he was staring directly at me. In his eyes I saw my reflection. What an amazing and terrifying moment. Will I measure up to the mom these babies deserve? Am I doing my best to make them happy? Healthy? I just stared into his eyes, looking at myself for a long time. It was a special moment to share with my son.

Hi, Is This Reagan/Nolan's Mom?

Twice this week we received phone calls and that is how they started? Hi, is this Reagan's Mom? Hi, is this Nolan's Mom? YES!!! It felt so good to answer that way.
I also took an on-line survey and I got to check the box that said we had children living in the house. For years that question has caused me pain, but not anymore!

1st Outing

Today we had our first family outing. Daddy has been wanting to get to Great Lakes Brewing Company to get some special beer that is in limited release, so we went there for lunch and then we walked through the West Side Market.

Mommy and Daddy ate lunch while babies slept and then babies ate before going over to the market. You both slept through the whole market trip. So many people stop to admire you guys and ask questions. The question asked most often"Are they identical?" Nope.

It was a very successful trip, hopefully you guys will continue to enjoy going places and get used to being out in public. Mommy and Daddy were so proud of you!

Mommy is getting less and less emotional every day. Those pregancy hormones were something else!!! No fun to just start crying for no reason. One look at your bright eyes and it made Mommy feel 100% better though.

2 weeks old!

Daddy went to work today, and Grammy will be over soon, so for now it is just us. You are both in your chairs snoozing away (something you didn't do so well at last night!).



Nolan, you sit like a little old man in your chair, legs spread wide open, relaxed to the max.



Reagan, you sleep all curled up, legs pulled up, hands up at your face. I bet that is the way you were inside me.



You are 2 weeks old today and I can see such a difference in you already. You are growing so fast.



Pretty soon we will venture out for something other than a doctors appointment, maybe lunch or dinner this weekend, Mommy would like to get out of the house (and show you off!)

Nolan's Cord

Tuesday, May 22nd

Nolan's cord fell off this afternoon. It made Mommy cry. It was the last physical connection to when he was in the womb.

Nolan is just such a sweet boy. He has the brightest eyes and they sparkle like diamonds. My heart just melts when he looks up at me. His cheeks are getting so full; he looks like a chipmunk. He is a wiggly boy, always moving and shaking when he is awake, but sleeps pretty soundly.

Reagan is a very mild mannered little one. Her cry breaks my heart because it is so sad. She is quiet and doesn't move around much, just like she did in the womb. I'd have to lie down and specifically feel for her or I'd never know she was in there.

I just can't say it enough..... we are so lucky! Three years of heartache and that was wiped out on May 10, 2007!

Weight Check

May 21

The babies ventured out for the second time to get weighed in at the doctor. They are both eating very well and their weigh-ins showed it.

Reagan tipped the scales at 5lbs 10ozs and Nolan at 6lbs 7ozs. Back to birth weight and beyond. They both have some constipation issues, but we are working on getting that straightened out.

They have had a couple of good night, a couple not so good, but they are mainly excellent babies. I'm still in awe of them and just love to cuddle them. I know they will be growing so fast and will get to a point where they won't want to be cuddled. Until then....... Mommy will be doing lots of lovin'.

1 Week Old

Your one week birthday was a very emotional day for Mommy, but then again with all these hormones, what day isn't emotional. I can't believe a week has gone by; a blur of diapers and bottles. You are both so precious and we are getting to know your personalities. Reagan, you are a little more calm than your brother. You don't fuss during diaper changes and rarely cry real hard, but when you do it is so sad and it breaks my heart. You are still such a little peanut. At your doctor appointment when you were 5 days old you weighed 5lbs 3ozs. Nolan is a little more high strung, he lets us know what he wants as soon as he wants it. He is a bit more alert and fusses when it comes time to diaper changes. At the doctor appointment, Nolan weighed 5 lbs 10ozs. At 1pm I took you guys and we sat in the rocking chair and I held you and kissed you and at 1:05p and 1:06p I wished you each a Happy One Week Birthday!

Reagan & Nolan's Birth Story May 10, 2007

Thursday May 10, 2007
10:30am
We got to the hospital and had to do all sorts of paperwork and the babies heartbeats were hooked up and monitored. It was neat to watch their rates for almost 2 hours. They got the IV in and started fluids for me. I asked to be catheterized after the spinal (they wanted to do it before) and they agreed. However, I am latex sensitive so they had to “cobble” a cath together for me (this is an important detail for later.)

I walked down to the OR just after 12:30pm; I was very nervous and excited. Bill stayed in the room and they gave him a lunch and some juice and told him to wait to get dressed so he wouldn’t get overheated since the gown was kind of rubber like. He wisely put on the booties and mask just to be ready.

I got to the OR and got up on the table. The room was packed; each baby had a team of a doctor and nurses as well as some medical students and a neonatologist. My doctor and one of the other docs in the practice talked to me the whole time. Dr. Slotta went to school with Bill’s cousin, Jimmy. Small world and the conversation kept me entertained while they worked on getting the spinal going. It took a while and the anesthesiologist was just getting ready to switch to a bigger needle when he was able to get the smaller one in. It did not hurt as much as I thought, just like little bee stings. I had to put my legs up on the table and they immediately started to tingle and I felt the sensation traveling up my legs and torso. I also started to feel a little sick so he gave me some anti nausea medication in my IV and the oxygen mask instead of the nose tubes. He did the check to make sure I was numb and then he asked that someone go get Bill. It was almost 1pm. I kept asking for Bill because they had started the surgery. Finally he got there. He said the nurse ran in the room and told him to hurry since the surgery had started, so he dressed as he ran down the hall. Not sure why they waited so long to get him.

At 1:05pm, Dr. Zart said “It’s A Girl!” “Hello Baby Reagan!” I was so relieved and happy and she started crying right away. Another huge relief, but I was still holding my breath to hear another cry. I kept asking Bill if he could see her and if she had hair, they said she had a little hair. A minute later, Dr. Zart said “I see a head, oh I see feet, oh we have a swimmer!” “It’s a Boy, Hello Baby Nolan!” Another cry and another wave of relief for me.

The crying in stereo was loud and was the sweetest sound I ever heard. Bill was told he could go over and take a look at the babies so he took some pictures and brought them back to me. It was all happening so fast. Next time Bill came back he had Reagan in his arms. After I was all put back together they gave me both babies and wheeled us back to the room where we started in for assessments and recovery. It was very chaotic as my BP had dropped very low and they were started to get worried about me, all I was worried about were the babies. They put one baby on my chest to warm up both of us since I was shivering so badly.

The babies both had low sugar so they were given a bottle right away and had to have their sugar tested every 3 hours and then fed. Their sugars came up after about 12 hours. They ate voraciously.

Once I was stable the neonatologist came to my bed to tell me her assessment of the kids. She ordered an ultrasound for a dimple on Reagan’s back. This really scared me because I asked what it could possibly be and she mentioned spina bifida. Nolan had two things she was concerned about, a brachial cleft cyst, on the side of his neck, which will be removed when he is 6 months old, and his forehead suture (plate) looked fused and they wanted to ultrasound and x-ray that. Nothing like worrying a new mom right off the bat! We have to watch that his forehead fills out or we will have to investigate further.

We moved over to our regular room and Daddy changed the first diaper. The look on his face was priceless, he was trying to comfort Reagan but you could see he wanted to gag. He did such a good job though.
The rest of the day was a blur; I tried to get each of them on the breast. Nolan tried, but Reagan’s mouth is so incredibly small that she had a really tough time. They each did suck a little and just getting to look at them up close was amazing. Over the next several days in the hospital it became frustrating for all of us and the babies enjoy their bottles, so that among lots of other factors lead me to the decision to not breastfeed. It was very hard and very upsetting for me, but in the end it is what is best for all of us. I just have to let the guilt go and remind myself that I am doing what is best for my situation. I remind myself of that daily when I get down about it.

At 2am they decided my cobbled together catheter was not working so they had to pull it and insert another. That really sucked, but within 30 minutes I had doubled what I had put out all day.

On Friday, they got me out of bed and that was the worst pain I have ever experienced. Not the incision so much, but the right side. They said it was from my doctor cranking down too much on the retractors during surgery. OUCH! The first two times I stood up I literally saw stars and instant tears. By Saturday I was able to shower and felt better, but the side pain still persists a week later if I overdue it.

On Sunday the babies came to the room about 6:45am and they had a Mother’s Day card waiting for me in the drawer of their bassinets. Daddy got to the hospital around 7am with bagels (I had enough of the hospital food) and a Mother’s Day gift from the babies. They got me emerald (their birthstone) earrings and Bill made me a t-shirt with iron on transfer that says “Mommy of Twins (Two Against One). It was a very special morning for us. Three years of trying and waiting and finally we had our rewards, and I couldn’t have written the story better myself. I got to bring home my babies on Mother’s Day.

They each had to pass a one hour car seat challenge test because of their small size and after that we started the discharge process. Being wheeled down the hall with one baby on my lap and Bill carrying the other car seat was overwhelming. They were all ours, our two babies to love to teach.

May 17, 2007: It all happened so fast and a week is gone already. I’m just trying to soak in every minute of them. I know I have a lifetime of moments, but these are so precious.


My first thoughts of the babies…. Reagan has the smallest face and petite nose and mouth that I have ever seen.

Nolan is perfect too and I thought he looked like Bill, but upon further inspection he looks like Mommy and Reagan looks like Daddy.

FOUR HOURS

Babies,
In four hours you will be here, most likely being held by your Daddy!!!! Three years of waiting and it is finally here. I just can't explain how I feel. I keep crying, but they are tears of all sorts, happy, sad, excited, nervous.... you name it!
I can't wait to kiss your little cheeks for the first time.
Thank you for being good babies while you lived inside me. I'll never forget it and am so grateful that I got to experience a twin pregnancy. Just makes everything doubly special.
You can't imagine how loved and wanted you are!!!!
Love,
Your Mommy

20 Hours and Counting

Babies!!!!!! In less than a day you will be here. WOW, WOW, WOW!!!! It just doesn't seem real.
I've cried a lot in the past week because I'm sad that this part of our story is coming to an end. I really enjoy feeling you inside me and I'm not ready to share you, but I don't have a choice. I'm nervous about having surgery, but I know you are going to be A-OK and it is what is best for us. I just can't wait to hear your first cry and know that you took your first breath without me.

I can't wait to count your fingers and toes....... kiss the tops of your heads....... tickle you...... hug you. You are miracles.

Tomorrow I add a new thing to my resume of life: Mommy.

Week 36-- We Made It!

Well babies, when I had our first appointment with Dr. Z I decided my personal goal was for us to make it to 36 weeks. I can't believe we are here! I was so worried that you guys would come early and have to be in the hospital, but you have done so good and are growing so well. I couldn't have wished for a better pregnancy. Sure, I was sick in the beginning and I'm exhausted now, but really for the REALLY serious stuff, we've done an excellent job. I am very proud of myself, I never thought I'd still be up and around at this point.

Now we begin the last week of you being in my tummy. I'm sad because I love your kicks and hiccups and will probably never feel these things again, but I am SO excited to hold you and just stare at the wonders you are. You've changed my life already. You are going to make one of my biggest dreams come true, I get to be called Mommy!!!!

Let's enjoy our last week of our special bond before I have to share you with Daddy, Grammy, and the world.

Nursery

The cribs came on Saturday and the room is finally complete!!!!

I really like it and I hope the babies are happy in it. I would have loved a reading/window seat like they have when I was a kid. It is so warm and inviting. I'm not sure they will really appreciate it if we move before they are old enough to remember.

Tomorrow is our final doctors appointment. SO hard to believe. I think back to our first appointment when she gave us the tentative due date of May 17 and said if we made it to 36 weeks the babies would be good, and that is only 2 days away. At that time it seemed that it would take forever to get here and it is now upon us. I'm going to miss the babies kicking me and the hiccups and I take time everyday to soak it in since this will probably be the only time I'll ever have these feelings. It is so amazing when you really stop and think about it. I think I've done my best to make the babies healthy and strong and I'll try my best to continue to do so.

35 Weeks -- We Made It!

Well, babies, if you decide to come now the doctors won't stop you. We made it to their cut-off. I'm very proud of you! Although my personal goal is to go to 36 weeks and the doctors goal is 37 weeks. Either way in 14 days or less you will be in my arms!!!!! I can't wait.

We had our final ultrasound today. I was sad that it will be the last time I get to see you that way. I saw your heads, bellies, and leg bones. You are both growing well. Baby A weighs about 4lbs 8ozs, and Baby B is about 5 lbs, 6 ozs. Generally babies gain about 1/2 lb at this point, so I'd be really happy if Baby girl gets to a little over 5 lbs before you guys are born.

It Has Started

Well, I've started to lose my mucous plug. That doesn't mean the babies will be born ASAP, we could still go to the 10th, it just means that my body is getting ready to birth these babies.

I've been very emotional all day about this. Even through all the morning sickness and now the exhaustion and sleepless night, time has gone very quickly and I'm not ready to share these two with everyone yet. I like feeling them kicking, twisting and turning inside me. On the other hand, I just can't wait to see them and kiss them and love them.

I've been keeping a careful account on the babies kick counts and they have been active. We have an ultrasound tomorrow to check on growth.

Down To The Wire

At today's appoointment, Dr. Zart said if anything were to happen in the next three days, they would try to stop the labor, but after we turn 35 weeks on Thursday they will deliver the babies! Not that we expect anything to happen, but she just wanted me to know.

Babies heartbeats were good. Baby Girls was way up there, in the 170's, maybe she was getting kicked by her brother!

We have an ultrasound on Thursday and an appointment next week......after that I will see the doctor at the hospital.

The co-sleeper is set up and ready. Only Boxster has tried to get in it and she didn't like the aluminum foil that we put over the mattress---gotta teach the kitties somehow! We also have a cover for the co-sleeper that we will use whenever we are sleeping when the babies are.

16 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Week 34 U/S

At this ultrasound both babies had gained weight..... Baby A is about 3 lbs 15ozs, and Baby B is about 4lbs 110zs...... looks like he will not be wearing any of the preemie stuff! Kind of ironic since he was the one that started off being so small.

People are surprised that I am still out and about at 34 weeks...... frankly, I am too. Guess my body and mind are stronger than I give them credit for. When you add up the babies weight and all the fluids that go with them, I'm carrying about 25 lbs of baby "stuff" around. I'm about 43 weeks pregnant when it is all said and done.

Daddy did some last minute baby stuff this weekend and is putting in the car seat bases as I type this. We are ready for the babies. It is such an emotional thing for me think about. I just can't imagine what the first time I see them will be like. Three years worth of every emotion you can possible have will come out at that moment. I know it is cliche, but never were two babies wanted more than these two.

I worry about being a good mom, I'm sure everyone does. My mom gave me a good wake up call the other day. She asked me why I thought I'd be a bad mom since I did everything, went through so much to get these babies here. She said they are lucky to have me and that I have a lot of love to give them. This is true. Sure I am not the only woman to suffer through infertility. Going through it does make you stronger. Each test, each procedure, each surgery makes a mark on your soul that will be there forever, however it will be healed the moment I hold my two children. They may have been created by science, but for the past 34 weeks they have been nutured by me and they will be loved by so many people. I know every infertility story does not have a good ending. Hopefully someday they will all end in success. For us to be doubly blessed is nothing short of a miracle.

Week 33/34

Today we saw the doctor and she said everything continues to look good. We are now having appointments every week, as well as ultrasounds each week just to keep tabs on the babies since things can change so quickly.

I am very tired..... all the time and can't wait to meet these two little people that are going to take over our lives and our hearts.

Here is a picture of me, 33 weeks 2 days

Yes Sir, That is A Boy

At the 32 week ultrasound, our boy continued to show the goods, and the girl continued to be shy. We are still hopeful that she is a she....... that is what we are preparing for!

This was the first u/s where there was a noticable weight difference with the babies. Baby boy is about 4 lbs, 4 ozs, and baby girl is about 3 lbs, 5 ozs. I have some concerns since she is so small. Like what if they were born right now. She would probably be in the hospital longer than he would be. I'm trying not to worry as the doctor couldn't detect any problems with her cord or blood supply.

I am feeling very uncomfortable most days. I get so tired so easily. I just keeping thinking about the babies and every day they spend inside growing is a day I don't have to worry about them being underweight in a NICU. I focus on that and it gets me through the day.

Their room is coming along. All we really need are the cribs, which are on order and due to arrive around the time of their birth. I can't wait to get the wall hangings up and take pictures of their room. I really can't wait to bring them home and put them in their cribs for the first time. I know they will look so tiny. I really can't wait to just hold their little warm bodies and give the kisses or to see Bill holding his babies for the first time. It is coming soon..... as of today 4 weeks and 3 days!

Week 30--Coming Sooner!

At the week 30 appointment, the doctor changed our due date to May 10th! I will be a MOM for Mother's Day this year. The past few Mother's Day have been very hard, always feeling like I'd never get to this point. This year I will be holding the two best gifts EVER- my children!!!

Grammy got to hear the heartbeats and all looked well.

With Daddy out of town this week, we spent a lot of time with Grammy. She did a lot to help get ready for you guys. She is wiped out and needs a week off!

Daddy sent us a package of sourdough cheese wheels from Mommy's favorite bakery in San Fran. ALong with a flower he picked on his run that morning. That was very sweet. Daddy is not usually a romantic like that, so it made Mommy feel very special. You are so lucky to have him for a Daddy.

So you guys will be here in 6 weeks!!!!! Everyone can't wait to meet you.

Week 30-- Home Alone

Daddy left for San Francisco on Saturday. I don't think it was the right decision since we are 30 weeks 2 days into a twin pregnancy, but it is done now. I had a long talk with the babies and told them that I did not want to bring them into the world without their Daddy by my side, so they need to behave for a week. I'm sure they will cooperate, they have been perfect thus far.

I feel bigger and bigger everyday. I can do less and less each day, getting tired very easily. It will all go away as soon as I see these little faces.

Grammy is going to watch out for us this week so we will be fine and Daddy will bring you back lots of treats from San Francisco.

We got for a check up on Wednesday and Grammy will go with us so she can hear your heartbeats!

Shower--March 18

Oh my gosh! Totally overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and gifts from our friends and family! We need a bigger house.

The shower was wonderful.... Mike and Amy did such a good job with the favors, they were a big hit. Mary, Kathy, and my mom planned a couple of games and everything looked so nice.

The cake was yummy, I wish there was more leftover!

Daddy and I went through everything on Sunday night and started washing clothes and putting stuff away. It will be a long process, but we are ready for the babies.

It was an exhausting day, emotionally and physically, but so worth it!

One really special shower gift..... Last Friday my mom came over with a card that had money in it for the babies cribs and dressers. She wrote in the card the story of where the money came from...... Before my Dad was diagnosed with colon cancer, he loved beer and good cigars. Once he was going through all the treatments, he couldn't enjoy the beer or cigars anymore so he started saving the money he would have been spending on them. One day when he was pretty sick, there was a tornado warning and my parents were going to go down to the basement for a while and he told my mom she needed to get his "other wallet." I guess in the course of 4 years he had put his "fun" money in that wallet and she didn't know anything about it. He never got to spend it. Over the past 6 years, neither could she, so she said spending it on the grandbabies would be what he would have wanted, so that is where their cribs are coming from; their grandpa. I'm so glad she didn't give me that gift at the shower!

Week 28 Ultrasound--Grammy Meets the Babies

Got to check in on the babies on Friday. They each weigh about 2 lbs 5 ozs and look good.
Grammy came along to "meet" the babies and she was so happy to see them. They were wiggling around the whole time.

week 27

(pics from week 24 U/S)

I feel the babies moving a lot now. I can tell who is who. Baby Boy is more close to my belly button and Baby Girl (if she is still a she.....she wouldn't cooperate at the last u/s!) is underneath him. I feel her movements more lower and to the right.

We passed the gestational diabetes test during week 26, but they found that I am severly anemic so I started iron pills. They give me awful heartburn, but are supposed to help with the extreme tiredness I feel.

I get tired so fast. I can't do as many errands as I could a month ago. After a day of running around, I feel like I've been run over. Hard to move, muscles sore. That is OK, there is not much longer to go.

I'm stressed about getting their stuff in order before they arrive. I can't do the things I'd like to do and it is hard for me to depend on others to do it.

The babies names right now are Nolan George and Regan Bryn. We'll see if that is what they really end up being!

We are having the OB tour on Sunday, I am nervous about that. I'm just nervous about having surgery, but it is the only way for me to get my babies.

The shower is coming up quickly, March 18. The babies need so much stuff.

We have another u/s next Friday to check on their growth. Hopefully we'll be able to see them a little better now that they are bigger.

Sometimes I want them here right now, other times I like feeling them inside me. It is all so many different emotions at the same time. You have no idea what it is really like, no matter how hard you try. I just want the best for them and for us to be good parents.

Their friends Joshua and Gabriel were born last week at 33 weeks. They are doing well and I can't wait to meet them. I hope they will grow up being friends.

Hello In There

I can feel the babies kicking and moving around in there. It is a really cool feeling. They are more active after dinner or if I drink something hot or cold. Of course, they are most active when I go to bed!

Lately, I have been hungry all the time. Cravings? Some..... salad with Italian dressing, orange sherbet, ice cream sandwiches.

I'm starting to slow down. Walking around a store is getting difficult and sleeping a full night is impossible.

I can't believe that two babies are going to be living in our house soon. I can't wait to see what they look like, how their personalities are, what they like and dislike.

Another u/s coming up on the 9th to check in on them.

Hopefully Daddy will get to feel them soon. He is busy reading the name book.

Now We Know!!!

It's one of each "flavor", as Bill says.

When the U/S started, the doctor didn't say anything for a while and I was getting worried. Finally we found twins A and found out it was a girl. After doing some measurements on her, we moved over to Baby B and we had a better view of him. There is no doubt he is a boy :-)

I know we would have been happy with whatever the outcome, but now that we know it

is a boy and a girl, I feel like our family will be complete all in one shot.

Everything the doctor could see on the U/S looked good. We go back in 4 weeks for another look.

4 More Days!