Conversation With A Cat

coversation from the breakfast table this morning at the pchak residence:

Chandler: Mama, I know how to make your coffee taste better.

ME: You do big buddy, how is that?

C: Put some Kaluha in it.

M: (runs down the basement stairs to the bar.)

C: See, I told ya!

He made me do it, I swear.

The keyword for today. Pace.

The Oath

I have finally met a doctor who upholds the Hypocratic Oath in every way. He is a man of knowledge, compassion, care and concern. Infertility is not a fun ride to be on, but our lives are richer for having Dr. J. Ricardo Loret De Mola in it. At first I was afraid to go see him. I have always been a girl that liked female docs, going to a man was intimidating enough. To spill our guts about our bedroom habits was almost too much to bear. I'd heard he was the best, so all that fear had to get put aside. A child is the one thing I want more than anything in life and if he was going to help me get it, then I didn't care. We've been going to Ricardo for almost 9 months....kind of ironic, with no success and only onr stumbling block after another. He has been supportive at every turn. I've never before been hugged and kissed on the top of my head by a doctor, but last week, after an especially painful meeting he did just that. A simple gesture, but one from the heart. Who knows how many countless other women he has done that too. He can't imagine what it means. He has seen us through 4 inseminations, 1 surgery, and now secondary (male) infertility. He wants us to be pregnant.......sometimes more than I think I do because this has all been so painful for me. He remains optimistic when I can no longer be. He wants to pursue when sometimes I just want to stop all the medical insanity. He is honest and genuine. He is everything a doctor should be and more. He is how I'd want my son --if there ever is one of those---to turn out. Somewhere his family should be proud of him, not just because he is the top doc in his field, but for the man he is.

Almost a Year Later

I haven't blogged in 11 months. What is different from 334 days ago? Well, I am down over 50lbs total, but have stalled. I need to get remotivated and get moving.
We are still labeled as "infertile". 4 inseminations, 1 surgery, numerous tests, blood work, and now a new issue has cropped up. We just can't seem to win. Maybe someone or something is throwing these roadblocks up for a reason. Maybe we'd be really bad parents and this is God's way of keeping us from messing a child up. Who knows. I do know that we are at the end of our rope, barely hanging on on a daily basis. I just want our normal life back. We had a glimpse of it when I was recovering from surgery. Funny, I don't know what normal is anymore? How do I adjust to the realization that I may never be a parent....that no one will ever call me mom..... that bill won't have the chance to have a Daddy's girl or be a Scout Leader. We are at a very bad place in life right now, lets hope we can find some semblance of normal and come out of this on the other side together.