Why

I pursued a referral from our ped regarding Nolans ridge on his forehead and his indented temples. I've noticed it more since he has lost of his first baby hair. Something was just telling me to pursue it, even though xrays at 2 months of age showed the sutures were not fused.

On Monday we went the Cleveland Clinic to meet a plastic surgeon. I expected he might tell us a helmet would help. I never expected to hear what he said. Nolan has cranial stenosis and would need surgery to correct it or he would face learning disabilities and an array of other issues.

Tuesday he was sedated for a CT scan to confirm the diagnosis. It did. Leaving him in that CT room alone were the hardest steps I've ever had to take. I kissed his little check and told my prince that I loved him and I'd be right outside waiting for him.

I looked up this surgery and I don't know how I will handle seeing my baby after surgery. It is going to be awful.

Why is this happening to us? Why can't I just enjoy the children I waited so long for? Why does he have to go thru this? He is such a sweet boy.

I just wanted their first christmas to be special and who knows where we will be. Nolan and I could be in the hospital and my Reagan will be wondering where her Mama and brother are.

Yes, I'm having a pity for me, for all four of us. It is not fair. I worked hard to get these kids here and I want to give them every opportunity to have a wonderful life, but why is it so painful?

I just want this over. If we could do surgery tomorrow, I would. I just can't handle looking at them and crying all day.

Thanksgiving

I can't believe Thanksgiving is upon us. Sept and Oct went exceptionally fast with all the house stuff going on. We are nearing the end of the major work thank goodness.

Reagan and Nolan are so much fun and getting so big. They both weigh 17 lbs 3ozs and Reagan is a full inch longer than Nolan (27"). I'm sure he will hit a spurt at some point, but for now I love his little short legs.

Nolan is just the sweetest boy. He loves his mama and is full of fun. He giggles and smiles all day. He brings so much joy to our life. Reagan is a bit more serious, but in the mornings she grabs my face and gives me a Reagan kiss (a suck on the cheek). My heart melts every morning, it is just too cute. She talks a lot in a deep throaty voice that is so adorable. Her two little teeth are getting big and she actually left marks on my finger the other day when she was playing with my hand.

We made another trip to Ikea and they were both so good in the store and for the ride.

Reagan is going to have a help me grow evaluation. They will probably suggest some OT to give her some upper body strength. She is doing OK, just a bit weak and could use a hand. Anything to give them every opportunity to have a happy, healthy life.

Nolan is having his cyst checked this week and if all is well he will have it removed when he is 1. He is also going to see a cranial doc to be sure the forehead sutures are ok and no further assistance is needed.

Nicknames: Reagan...chicky chicky boom boom, chick chick, sweet pea, swiss miss, reagan cakes, honey bear

Nolan... Nolinski, little man, buddy, bubby, bobaloo

No idea how most of those have come about!

Being a stay at home mom is tough, but I love being with my kids and knowing I am there for them whenever they need me. It is stressful and I need more time off than I get. I was sick a couple of weeks ago and I asked Bill who I called in sick to. I got no response. Oh well, just one of the many things a mommy does that is just part of the job. I pushed through for them. So we didn't get out of our PJ's that day.... oh well.

I'm sure it will be a super fun Chirstmas and maybe Nolan will be crawling around. YIKES!

Teeth

Well, Halloween has come and gone and Reagan and Nolan seemed to enjoy the day. They went to visit Daddy's work, Grandma P, Aunt Eleanor's & Grammy's all in costume. Reagan was a bear since she growls at us when she is mad (not so much anymore....now it is just a shriek.) Nolan was a fire chief since he seemed to like the fire engines as they went by our old house.

On Sunday, Reagan, Bill and I were hanging out in our bed. (Nolan was, amazingly, napping!) Reagan was studying Daddy's hand and she went in for the kill. She bite him! That is how we found her tooth. Today I stuck my finger in Nolans mouth and I feel it beneath the skin. Poor babies....cold, teething, all at once.

Reagan and Nolan are both rolling, although Nolan uses his strengh to motor around a bit. Reagan is getting stronger and holds her head up for longer periods.

Tomorrow is the end of this session of story time. They seemed to really enjoy it.

I can't believe Christmas is just around the corner. Maybe they will be crawling by then. YIKES!